When I first started CrossFit I was fully aware that I was going to enjoy it.  I was so not prepared for how much I would fall in love with it and how much it would change my way of thinking completely.  I feel like I have talked the ears off of everyone I know about how much I love it and how much I can’t wait until tomorrows WOD and how much I lifted that day..But I just can’t help it.  I have been completely changed.

When I started my whole weight loss journey (you know..the last one I started..not the multiple failed attempts before that) I had one thing on my mind..

I need to lose weight.

I really didn’t care how I did it.  It just needed to happen.  I have learned in the past what didn’t work so I avoided going back to things that I already failed on.  This sort of left me in that confusing place of..what else is there?  I’ve tried the support groups, the pills (oh yes even the disaster pants pills), online forums, cutting calories to ridiculous levels and every gym in my vicinity.  I finally learned the only way I was going to do this was to stop changing everything I did.  Just move more on a consistent basis and eat real food.  Not the snack packs that state “only 100 calories!” but food that actually doesn’t come with a label (you know that food on each side of the store without the fun color packaging?)  It was such a simple concept but there was nothing shiny and special about it..So I avoided the one that made the most sense.

I went through this whole year with the same goal.  I need to lose weight.  I had no fitness goals such as finish a mile in this time, lift this much weight, climb this many stairs.  The scale ruled my day and how I was going to feel about myself.  Didn’t lose weight today? Well time to have a pity party.  Lose a pound? Time to party and love yourself!  It was stressful!  I was losing weight when I was working with trainers but I just felt like I was going through the motions.  There were some days I would groan at the idea of having to go to the gym to see the trainer.  It was such a short workout time and then the rest of the week I was on my own to figure it out myself.  Months before my contract was up I fell into the world of CrossFit via the interwebs.  At first glance I thought to myself “not..a..chance..” but as I kept reading more and more and listening to Paleo podcasts I started to get lured in.  I waited patiently for my contract to end.

Finally January hit and I knew that I was only sessions away.  I tried one CrossFit gym that I will not name..but it made me nervous.  Did I wait all these months dreaming of this and what I got was a grumpy man in a small gym with toddlers running around and members that didn’t even say hi to the new person that was in for a trial? How exciting.  I decided I needed to try at least one more.  That’s when I found CrossFit AMRAP

I already posted about my start to CrossFit AMRAP so you can go back and read about my fun of the Foundations class.  I want to get back the reason for the title of this blog.  After foundations and starting on my own with the regular class I found that I could do things that when I was browsing the web I always thought to myself “that wont happen”.  I remember the first time I walked in there is a sign with the rules.  I remember reading one line that said “Can’t is not allowed”.  I laughed to myself and said “Yeah you’re gonna have to learn to cut that out”.  And I did!  Everything I approached I didn’t immediately say “Nope..” but I at least tried.  I may not have done it perfectly..I certainly haven’t RX’d anything but I sure as hell at least try and i’ll be damned if I don’t give it all I have.

After weeks of taking “I can’t” out of my vocabulary and my own mental dialogue I have been amazed at what I can do.  Yes it is hard and there’s times where I have wanted to say I didn’t want to finish a WOD but what would that do for me? It would get me no where.  And honestly it hasn’t been about proving to the other members I can do it or trying to be a badass at the expense of possibly falling over..But it’s to show myself once and for all “See what happens when you don’t give up?”  My whole mentality on goals has changed too.  Yes I still want (and need) to lose weight.  And it does bother me horribly that the weight on the scale is not going down.  But I have noticed so many changes not only in my body but mentality beyond belief.  Even people close to me say “there’s just such a change in you..you’re so happy now”.  I stopped being down on myself for not getting to the scale weight quick enough and started to celebrate the weight I can lift, the fact that I went down a band in push ups and embraced the fact that I went up in the height of my box jump.  Which is debatable I must add..even though I can use a 12″ box..I am still possibly the worlds slowest box jumper.  But I am okay with that..because I know that the future holds some amazing feats for me.

I will admit the idea of the CrossFit Open starting very soon scares the hell out of me.  I really didn’t want to sign up because I was so worried people would be upset to have me on their team.  That I would some how bring them down.  Multiple people convinced me to sign up and I was even hesitant then.  Feeling like they were just saying that since they were telling everyone else to and were just being polite.  I finally decided that I was in this to make myself better and stronger.  And when I compare it to next years scores it will be without a doubt far more impressive than this years will be.  I may not be able to do everything that everyone else does but I still work as hard as I possibly can.

I am now working on trying to not only focus on weight loss but to focus on fitness and the weight loss will follow.  For once I am not going to stray from my plans because it isn’t working quick enough.  I am staying put because nothing has ever felt this right to me.  Let’s just say It hurts so good!

Day 1 of Crossfit & Day 30