I Can (almost) Run!

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It may not seem like a big deal to most people.  Plenty of people have finished the C25K app.
Plenty of people don’t even have issues running period.  I thought to myself maybe it was silly to blog about this.  But I am not ‘plenty of people’.  This is my journey and I accomplished something huge in my life!  I ran!

I have never ever been a runner.  In fact, I don’t think I have ever fully run a mile until today.  In gym class when it was required I would start off strong for..oh…30 seconds.  I never finished the mile running the entire time.  I would also be made to do the do-over mile.  Oh right, because the first time was just a bad day.  No.  Everyday was a bad day for running.

I did try the C25K last summer and got through a few weeks.  I honestly can’t remember why I stopped.  Isn’t that the truth with everyone’s weight loss journey when they failed multiple times?  Can’t remember why you stopped, you just knew you stopped.  This time around I knew I would get farther.  I knew this because this time around I have been doing everything that terrifies me.  I have done sit ups at the gym, worked in the weight area by the big boys, ran on treadmill in public.  I am done being afraid.  I am done saying “ill just try this at home instead” because let’s face it.  I never do.  If I don’t do it at the gym it doesn’t get done.

So week 5 of the C25K has been stressful and pushed me to the limit to say the least!  Day 1 was okay.  It was warm up, run 5 walk 3 run 5 walk 3 run 5 cool down.  The second day I stupidly didn’t look down at my plan for the day and thought it was a repeat of day 1.  A few minutes into my run I was curious how much time I had left and when I saw 4 1/2 minutes I was horrified!  Did I really only run 30 seconds?! Just to find out it was run 8 that day.  To not be fooled again I checked what day 3 had in store for me.  When I saw “jog 20 minutes” I laughed!  Seriously?  You’re a funny little app!

I had a few days to think about it because after day 2 was my rest day.  But then the day finally came..dun dun dun..

Day 3 Jog 20 minutes

All day at work I kept going back to “can I do it?”.  I kept telling myself if I am positive I sure can do it.  Stop repeating to myself that I will fail this and I will be fine!  I wont lie – I got butterflies pulling up to my gym.  I even thought to myself “how ridiculous.  People run marathons.  You only have to run 20 minutes”  It was a big deal for me though!

I did some weight training, some ab work, and finally climbed the stairs and gave the treadmill the stink eye.

I started my warm up and the time came for running.  I kept telling myself to NOT look down and see how much time I had left because I will only get discouraged.  Normally my music is what keeps me going and motivated but this run was all self-talk.  I won’t lie – this wasn’t one of those moments where I was like “Well that was easier than I thought!” It wasn’t!  I was tired minutes into it.  Around halfway I started saying “It’s okay if you walk we will get this next time” This is when I started repeating the mantra “your body can do this”

I had to tell myself that even though my mind will say what it may..my body can prove it wrong.  I hate to get off topic but in a way it’s not totally off topic.  I suffered from depression for many years.  I have learned to be more kind to myself but I can certainly be my own worst enemy.  During depression it was so easy to just shut down..and let myself shut down time after time.  But I can’t fall back on that anymore.  I beat depression!  I can’t go back on silly habits of letting myself give up and shutting down.  That clearly didn’t work for me at all.

At 12 minutes passed I told myself this is the longest you’ve ever run before in your life.  You practically already got this!  I was sore…tired..out of breath..all my good songs have already passed on the shuffle list.  My knee started to hurt and that ever so fun pain in my side started.

“your body can do this”

I heard one minute remaining over my headphones and I upped the speed on my treadmill.  Im not going to finish this dragging my feet and panting.  I wanted to finish strong.  And I did 🙂

I finished week 5 day 3 which by far was a huge mental barrier for me.  I knew this was totally mental over physical.  I knew my body could do it and I had to prove to my brain that this was truth.  It wasn’t about running for 20 minutes.  It was about putting doubt and self-sabotage aside and prove to myself that I can do whatever I want.  It’s just another thing checked off my list.

Will this be my hardest day on C25K? Probably not.  But I am hoping the rest will be physically hard because I can deal with that easier than having my self talk be negative.

So in all seriousness….for those of you who may ask what kept me going?

What keeps any fat girl running? I promised myself food when I was done 😀

I know, I know..you aren’t supposed to reward yourself with food.

HOWEVER.

I told myself I can have a turkey sandwich on wheat with alfalfa sprouts and watch Dr Phil.  So I think I that was fair!

Yes. I ran 20 minutes for turkey sandwich.  Don’t judge me.