Confidence

When I first started CrossFit I was fully aware that I was going to enjoy it.  I was so not prepared for how much I would fall in love with it and how much it would change my way of thinking completely.  I feel like I have talked the ears off of everyone I know about how much I love it and how much I can’t wait until tomorrows WOD and how much I lifted that day..But I just can’t help it.  I have been completely changed.

When I started my whole weight loss journey (you know..the last one I started..not the multiple failed attempts before that) I had one thing on my mind..

I need to lose weight.

I really didn’t care how I did it.  It just needed to happen.  I have learned in the past what didn’t work so I avoided going back to things that I already failed on.  This sort of left me in that confusing place of..what else is there?  I’ve tried the support groups, the pills (oh yes even the disaster pants pills), online forums, cutting calories to ridiculous levels and every gym in my vicinity.  I finally learned the only way I was going to do this was to stop changing everything I did.  Just move more on a consistent basis and eat real food.  Not the snack packs that state “only 100 calories!” but food that actually doesn’t come with a label (you know that food on each side of the store without the fun color packaging?)  It was such a simple concept but there was nothing shiny and special about it..So I avoided the one that made the most sense.

I went through this whole year with the same goal.  I need to lose weight.  I had no fitness goals such as finish a mile in this time, lift this much weight, climb this many stairs.  The scale ruled my day and how I was going to feel about myself.  Didn’t lose weight today? Well time to have a pity party.  Lose a pound? Time to party and love yourself!  It was stressful!  I was losing weight when I was working with trainers but I just felt like I was going through the motions.  There were some days I would groan at the idea of having to go to the gym to see the trainer.  It was such a short workout time and then the rest of the week I was on my own to figure it out myself.  Months before my contract was up I fell into the world of CrossFit via the interwebs.  At first glance I thought to myself “not..a..chance..” but as I kept reading more and more and listening to Paleo podcasts I started to get lured in.  I waited patiently for my contract to end.

Finally January hit and I knew that I was only sessions away.  I tried one CrossFit gym that I will not name..but it made me nervous.  Did I wait all these months dreaming of this and what I got was a grumpy man in a small gym with toddlers running around and members that didn’t even say hi to the new person that was in for a trial? How exciting.  I decided I needed to try at least one more.  That’s when I found CrossFit AMRAP

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I already posted about my start to CrossFit AMRAP so you can go back and read about my fun of the Foundations class.  I want to get back the reason for the title of this blog.  After foundations and starting on my own with the regular class I found that I could do things that when I was browsing the web I always thought to myself “that wont happen”.  I remember the first time I walked in there is a sign with the rules.  I remember reading one line that said “Can’t is not allowed”.  I laughed to myself and said “Yeah you’re gonna have to learn to cut that out”.  And I did!  Everything I approached I didn’t immediately say “Nope..” but I at least tried.  I may not have done it perfectly..I certainly haven’t RX’d anything but I sure as hell at least try and i’ll be damned if I don’t give it all I have.

After weeks of taking “I can’t” out of my vocabulary and my own mental dialogue I have been amazed at what I can do.  Yes it is hard and there’s times where I have wanted to say I didn’t want to finish a WOD but what would that do for me? It would get me no where.  And honestly it hasn’t been about proving to the other members I can do it or trying to be a badass at the expense of possibly falling over..But it’s to show myself once and for all “See what happens when you don’t give up?”  My whole mentality on goals has changed too.  Yes I still want (and need) to lose weight.  And it does bother me horribly that the weight on the scale is not going down.  But I have noticed so many changes not only in my body but mentality beyond belief.  Even people close to me say “there’s just such a change in you..you’re so happy now”.  I stopped being down on myself for not getting to the scale weight quick enough and started to celebrate the weight I can lift, the fact that I went down a band in push ups and embraced the fact that I went up in the height of my box jump.  Which is debatable I must add..even though I can use a 12″ box..I am still possibly the worlds slowest box jumper.  But I am okay with that..because I know that the future holds some amazing feats for me.

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I will admit the idea of the CrossFit Open starting very soon scares the hell out of me.  I really didn’t want to sign up because I was so worried people would be upset to have me on their team.  That I would some how bring them down.  Multiple people convinced me to sign up and I was even hesitant then.  Feeling like they were just saying that since they were telling everyone else to and were just being polite.  I finally decided that I was in this to make myself better and stronger.  And when I compare it to next years scores it will be without a doubt far more impressive than this years will be.  I may not be able to do everything that everyone else does but I still work as hard as I possibly can.

I am now working on trying to not only focus on weight loss but to focus on fitness and the weight loss will follow.  For once I am not going to stray from my plans because it isn’t working quick enough.  I am staying put because nothing has ever felt this right to me.  Let’s just say It hurts so good!

Day 1 of Crossfit & Day 30

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My name is Danielle and I am a sugarholic

I am so proud to say I have completed my 21 day sugar detox!!

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I thought about posting about it when I started but sadly I really didn’t think I could do it and I didn’t want to be resembled if I didn’t succeed at it.  My goal was to get rid of all sweet candy, snacks, additives and the hardest part for me..diet soda!  When I first had this idea I bounced it off some friends just to sort of see what it felt like to say out loud.  I told myself that I really needed to get a handle on how much I relied on sugar.  When I finally set a date I am not kidding when I say I had a panic attack.  I felt like I had to message my friends back and be like “just kidding! not happening!” I really had no faith in myself that I could do this!

I don’t have a binge issue with chocolate.  I don’t sit down and eat a box of cookies or a whole bag of candy. I can literally just have one piece of candy and be content.  However I noticed I would only have one piece but multiple times a day..usually around lunch and dinner.  I noticed I really had an issue when I told myself “Ya know..you really can skip the chocolate at dinner..you had some at work today” and for a second I would be okay with this but panic would set in.  I no longer just wanted chocolate..I needed chocolate!

I have also had an issue with diet soda.  I did like most people do when they start out eating better.  Ditch the full calorie soda for diet.  Now im healthy right??  So many outlets would preach about how diet soda is even worse than regular.  It causes you to eat more and crave more sweets.  I would totally ignore this and wave it off saying “maybe for other people..this certainly doesn’t apply to me”.

My one dilemma that has held me back from ditching the diet drinks is that I don’t have many options when it comes to beverages.  Water is great and I really have upped my water big time.  But sometimes you just need something flavored!  I have an auto-immune disease that causes really bad reactions to a lot of ingredients.  Mainly anything even remotely sour.  This takes away a lot of juices, sports drinks, any packaged ice tea (citric acid) and I can’t even have those water flavor packs or liquids.  I had to learn to love fresh brewed hot and cold tea.

The start of the detox was a little hard because of the reliance of caffeine.  Honestly it only took about 3-4 days for me to be over not having a soda.  I had some headaches but not too terrible.  I learned that I do like coffee..and I love tea!  Funny thing happened though..that whole idea that the cravings and snacking didn’t apply to me because I am somehow special…totally not true.  I noticed my first week I didn’t snack at all.  I had to actually remind myself to eat.  I used to constantly snack at least every 2 hours.  I started packing less and less food and snacks to go with me to work because I simply didn’t need them.  I know for sure that this was the soda.  I will say I do miss it a little bit because I do love cherry dr pepper..but it just isn’t worth it to me anymore.  I have no desire to keep it in my house anymore.  I can’t even trust myself just yet to even treat myself to sip just yet.

As for chocolate…I feel I have a good grasp and game plan for it.  I do love dark chocolate and recognize there can be benefits to it.  However I have made an agreement with myself it has to be high quality dark chocolate.  It seems much easier to deny chocolate when its expensive rather than a cheap item you pick up at an impulse counter display.  Im a girl..I have needs..I need chocolate.  Haha

Anyway..I am very proud of myself because this was a huge accomplishment that I really didn’t believe I had in me.  I just keep surprising myself everyday :)

And now folks…here’s grumpy cat..

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Paleo Cooking Extravaganza!

I got my wish and was snowed in today!!

The reason I wished for it is because I have a bad habit of doing too much and get myself totally exhausted.  It was nice to have an excellent excuse to just stay in today and relax!  Well..I use ‘relax’ loosely since I did cook for quite a few hours..But that is relaxing to me!  Here is what I was up to today..

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View from my front window this morning..It’s still snowing 8 hours later..

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I got out my stack of Paleo cookbooks and got to work!

I just picked up The Frugal Paleo and I am absolutely in love!  The recipes have simple ingredients you don’t have to go on the hunt for and most definitely affordable items.  Also there are plenty of recipes in here for people who may be paleo-phobic..its just a cookbook full of real tasty food!  I bought this book after I did my grocery shopping and the ingredients in here are so basic I was able to make a recipe with items I already had on hand! Fantastic!

My menu for this week:

I want to make a note and say when I cook from cookbooks I do not intend to share recipes if the author did not release them on the web.  If you want the recipes you’ll have to purchase the books..Its worth it – trust me!

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Pumpkin & Tomato soup from The Paleo Kitchen

Super cozy creamy soup with pumpkin, diced tomato and some coconut milk.  Delicious!

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Spinach & Artichoke Stuffed Mushrooms with Crab also from The Paleo Kitchen

The original recipe was just spinach and artichokes in a portobello mushroom but I added crab to make it an entree and paired it with organic garden tomato sauce.

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Ranch Chicken topped with Bacon & Mushrooms from The Frugal Paleo

The original recipe is just the ranch chicken with mushrooms and bacon but I put it on top of zoodles with spicy arrabiata sauce and buttered carrots.  I think I am most excited for this dish!!

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This is actually from last weeks menu but I love it so much I had to share!  I finally tried Yucca fries for the first time and I am most definitely hooked!  Just cut Yucca into fat steak fry-like strips and coat them in the fat of youre choice (I used ghee) and shake on some sea salt and pepper..maybe some garlic or onion powder if you’re feeling extra zesty!  Bake in the oven at 400º for about 20 minutes and flip halfway through cooking.  Yumma Fries!!

As for snacks this week I will also be making awesome energy bars from Real Life Paleo which is like Epic bars since its organic beef paired with cashews and cranberry..So good!  I also have some cut up fruit, raw veggies and Lara Bars.  I sort of had a crummy week when it comes to eating right but I am on track with the help from some amazing Paleo recipe makers!

One year later…

I started my weight loss journey last year at this time.

Had you told me then that a year later I would only be 30 pounds down I would have not been even remotely encouraged to even start.  I did honestly feel that I would be at goal weight by now.  I am not even remotely close to my goal but I really feel I have achieved so much more than just a number on a scale this year.

This year certainly has not been a waste by any means and I don’t think I could have done anything different.  I feel for once I am doing this right!  The only thing I could have done different would be work myself to death and eat lettuce and cross my fingers that the scale goes down.  This year was so full of ah-ha moments that I needed to experience to know what being healthy for life is going to mean for me.

What I have learned this year

  • I learned how to eat like a human being.  Meat, veggies, fruit..learning that things from boxes & bags with 1,000 ingredients isn’t a good choice.  Even Especially when it says  “low fat!” “fat free!”
  • Meal prep and planning is vital
  • It is okay to sweat.  It will not make me melt.
  • My comfort zone really wasn’t very comfortable at all
  • I love lifting.  Let me say it again….I love lifting!
  • Training goals are so much more rewarding than weight loss goals
  • Scales don’t cooperate when you start lifting.  I had to learn to be okay with that.  It took a while but I am finally getting that!
  • Morning workouts are possible!
  • Coffee makes above statement more true
  • There is life beyond Diet Cherry Dr Pepper
  • I can survive without daily chocolate (really!)
  • Auto-immune disease can’t and won’t stop me
  • Whenever I tell myself I can’t – I rebel…and then I do!
  • I am my best support system, coach and cheerleader

There is so much more but I think that list is something to be very proud of!

My goals for this year:

  • Focus on training & fitness goals over weight loss goals
  • Learn to eat like an athlete

 

My newest adventure – CrossFit!

I am on my third week of CrossFit and I am beyond happy with my choice of starting at Crossfit AMRAP.  I have never felt more accepted in a fitness program or met a nicer group of people.  In a normal gym you’re lucky to get a head nod of an acknowledgement.  I haven’t been able to cross anyone’s path without them introducing themselves and having nothing but encouraging things to say!  Beyond the community the training has pushed me beyond where I felt I could go.  Nothing that I have done at AMRAP I feel I could have pushed myself to do on my own.  Once I hit that uncomfortable edge I would always stop.  That race against the clock or race to get a workout done is addicting and it becomes such a mind game to push yourself to finish.  I don’t do it because I feel I have to..I do it because I want to prove myself that I can.

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This is the year of I can..and I will!

This Girls Gone WOD

I am so happy to announce I have found my Crossfit home!!

I have wanted nothing more for the past few months than to join a crossfit gym.  I had a 1 year contract for personal training that I had to finish up before I can consider adding another monthly payment of over a hundred bucks per month.  My training contract is finally up and I went on the hunt for a new challenge!  I tried one last week and it was exactly the workout I was looking for but the few downsides I saw were that they didn’t offer beginners classes which freaks me out when it comes to high intensity workouts, they openly admitted crossfit comes second in their lives and is more of a hobby, and I just didn’t feel welcomed very much.  The one I tried out today has 6 beginner courses you must take before actually starting on your own, super friendly and encouraging and the 8 minute workout I did kicked my butt!!!  When they said 8 minutes I was thinking “well that’s easy..I guess its just a little sample…”  Holy cow!

I wanted to post my first workout just so I can look back on this and be like -

“Aww that’s so cute!”

Saturday, January 10th 2015

Rowing warm up

AMRAP – 8 Minutes

5 Burpees (with assisted push up)

10 Kettlebell swings 20#

10 Box Jumps 9″

I was able to do 4 full rounds and got up to 1 box jump :)

Here is to getting more fit!!

I want to lose weight but I am more focused on fitness levels now.  I want to do better, do more, push myself harder than before.  I can care less right now if I lose 10lbs…I want to just do 1 pull up!

Time to lift heavy things!

Paleo Clam Chowder

If you haven’t read the bone broth post you may want to check that out first..

Now are you ready for a soup so flavorful that it’ll blow your mind?

No need to go any further..Piggy Tummy has got your back!

I decided I wanted a creamy soup that did not taste like coconut.  I am new to Paleo and sometimes it starts to make me a little coco-nutty…see? it’s kicking in again..

I decided to make another chicken bone broth and try to make a creamy soup using cauliflower to cream it up instead of coconut milk.  I was a little bit nervous about the texture being a little gritty from the cauliflower.  It was far from it! It was super creamy and had the perfect mouth feel and flavor of a sinful cream soup.

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Paleo Clam Chowder

  • About 6 cups of bone broth – depending on the thickness you want your soup
  • 1 head of cauliflower
  • 2 cans of clams
  • 1 bottle clam juice
  • 1 cup onion
  • 1 cup carrot
  • 1 cup celery
  • 1 cup mushroom
  • 1/2 lb bacon
  • salt, pepper & hot sauce to taste

Fry up the bacon, chop it up and set aside (save that bacon fat! its GOLD!)  Chop up 1 head of cauliflower and add just enough bone broth to cover the top of the cauliflower.  Once the cauliflower is fork tender use a stick blender to puree to desired texture.  I mixed mine extra long to make sure it wasnt gritty.  I added the clam juice at this point to thin out the mixture and added more bone broth to desired texture. Transfer bone broth/cauliflower mixture to another bowl and add enough bacon fat to the pot to saute vegetables.  Saute until tender and add creamed mixture back to the pot on low (otherwise it bubbles up on you).  Add bacon and clams and season to taste.

This soup was so good it made me weep tears of joy.

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Don’t Be Scared of Bone Broth!

I will admit everything I have learned about bone broth I learned from Stacy Toth @ paleoparents.com.  Here is the bone broth show if you want to listen more of the benefits and such of bone broth.  Otherwise read on to how I made mine and what I have made with it!

First things first.  As a trained chef I was curious to know what the heck was the difference between making bone broth and making stock.  I have made stock countless times and figured why is this such a big deal?  The difference is the amount of time taken to make bone broth.  Stock is just a few hours and bone broth requires a buttload of time! Yes that is a measurement of time indeed.  Normally with stocks I would use the bones and carcasses of stuff I was cooking with and didn’t need for the recipe.  With bone broth I learned from The Paleo View that using feet tends to be the best and most nutrient dense..so that is what I got!  I felt like the weird lady at the store who bought feet..

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For my first bone broth I did chicken feet and trotters (pigs feet).  I was a bit nervous about leaving a pot on the stove while I was sleeping so I did the crock pot method.  I added the feet to the crock pot and just filled the rest with water.  I cooked the broth overnight and while I was at work.  When there was maybe 4 hours left of cooking time I added my onions, carrots, veggies and fresh herbs.  I used thyme and rosemary.

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I strained out the stock and disposed of the bones and smooshy vegetables.  I know there’s things that can be done with bones..however I am not at ‘that’ level of Paleo. Haha.

I will admit my first response to having bone broth was not what I expected.  I figured with all the time it took to cook this stock it would have the most amazing chicken flavor known to all mankind!  When I tasted it I was stunned to find it a little bland.  Then I remembered in the book “It Starts With Food” it explains how the problem with processed foods is that it creates flavors that don’t exist in nature.  I was expecting that crazy chicken flavor you get from processed bases and bouillon.  Once I got over that I was in love.  I realized how nutritious this was for me and all the health benefits this nutrient packed soup would provide.  No processed junk.

The first soup I made was just a basic chicken and vegetable.  It was okay but not nearly as good as the second I made…

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This was my second bone broth attempt with beef instead.  I used cows feet and trotters again and the same veg and herbs. I made my own little version of Italian Wedding Soup…Amazeballs.

Italian Wedding Soup

  • 8 cups beef bone broth
  • 1 lb sausage, rolled into small meatballs, browned
  • 2 cups carrots, chopped
  • 1 cup celery, chopped
  • 2 onions, chopped
  • 1 cup mushrooms, chopped
  • 1 tablespoon garlic, crushed
  • 1 can diced tomato and juice
  • 1 can tomato paste
  • Olive oil for sauteing

Saute vegetables in olive oil until browned, a little bit further than just a sweat.  Brown sausage in another pan, it is okay for them to be a little bit pink in the middle since it will continue to cook in the soup.  Add broth and tomato product to the vegetables and stir.  Bring to a boil and let simmer for about 1 hr.  Add meatballs and let them finish cooking about 10-15 min.  Serve!  Delish!

 

I am now hooked on bone broth and make a new soup just about every week.  I even keep a jar handy in the fridge for when I need some extra broth for vegetables or making cauliflower rice.

Let’s Be Honest…

Last Friday I met with my new trainer and a funny thing happened and made me end up thinking about this topic of honesty ever since..

My old trainer was really bad at keeping record of my progress in the book so we sort of had to start fresh.  He got out his notebook and said
“Do you know your height and weight? I mean…if you don’t want to tell me that’s okay….”

I thought the whole concept of not telling my trainer my weight was just plain silly.  It’s like going to the doctor for an illness but you wont tell him your symptoms.  Why would I not tell him the key reason that I am there to fix?  I actually laughed and took a step back and said “I think its pretty obvious its not a small number..I mean..you can see me!”
He laughed and said it’s very common for women to not tell him their weight because they are embarrassed.   Again this takes me back to..he can see you!

I will admit I do understand the whole being embarrassed of the number.  I know what it’s like to be on the internet and make sure I only show pictures of the chest-area up so that people who don’t know me won’t know I am fat.  I would never just tell anybody my weight!  I will now just to prove a point.  I weigh 197.  That actually made my heart pump just to type that.  But what will it do if I don’t say it?  Me not admitting that number will not make it any smaller.  Isn’t it a silly concept to think that someone would like you until they knew your “number”.  It all goes back to when someone is standing in front of you they can see you.  They can pretty much guess what your weight range might be.  Would telling them that number suddenly make them dislike you?  If it did well..you know exactly where to tell them to go…

This is most definitely something I had to remind myself every time I go to weigh in.  When I see that number it cannot define me or my day.  It cant control feelings.  It’s really just a number..it’s not me!  Also let’s be honest…we have an idea of what that number will be.  When we eat right and work out and got enough sleep..we feel pretty confident that number will be going down.  When we binge on chips and fast food and sat on the couch all week..there’s a good chance that number isn’t going to be so good!  But why can’t we look at that number and accept it?  Of course if you strayed far off plan the number is going up…if you stay on track the number goes down.  Why can’t we be honest when we step on the scale?  Instead of being upset and start the self sabotage and hate talk.

When we have a weird dream dont we all first think “where did that come from!?”
We start to think ‘well, maybe its because I saw that show..I did think about that person..I did hear that on the news..I do indeed like penguins..’

When we step on the scale why cant we just analyze it that way?

“Well I did have a lot of sodium yesterday.  My muscles are sore I may be retaining water.  I should have drank more water. I may have skipped a few servings of vegetables”

Normally week to week its all going to be small changes and not be real weight anyway.  I think we all just need to start being more honest about the changes we see in our “number” and accept that it changes weekly..daily..hourly..and it doesn’t define us!  Everything we do each day has a huge impact on what that number is going to be each weigh in day.  It is time to choose if that number goes up or down..Let’s not lie to ourselves and be shocked when we see it.  Inside you know how you did.  If you did follow the plan perfectly and it didn’t move..then keep going!!  If the number goes up and you don’t want to admit you ate that package of cookies..well then there is more work to be done.  But bottom line..If you can’t admit your number to someone else at least admit it to yourself.

Updates!

Piggy Tummy was down for a few weeks but I am baaaack!

I am pretty excited about the changes I have made since I have been gone and thrilled to be posting the new path  my journey has taken me down.

Just over a week after my Whole 30 challenge ended I went to a specialist to see finally confirm a hunch my family doctor has had for years.  Sure enough I have officially been diagnosed with a very rare auto-immune disorder called Behcets.  Unfortunately there is not a ton that can be done since not much is known about it but I can now treat my symptoms and actually have a name to what I have.  I am lucky to not have many symptoms other people experience but I am now going to be closely monitored to make sure this doesn’t effect any vital organs.  The most uncomfortable symptom I have is that many many foods can cause severe mouth pain and ulcers.  I have lived my life not being able to have sour, bitter, spicy and salty due to this.  After doing a bunch of research with Whole 30 and Paleo I have decided to adopt the Paleo lifestyle.

I am in my second week of eating Paleo and I honestly feel pretty darn good.  I just had the hardest workout I have done in over a month, I am feeling more positive, and I haven’t been craving bad foods.  I now know that a huge reason my Whole 30 “failed” was because I was feeling so sick but now that I am diagnosed I know what I am working with and can move forward.  I have high hopes that eating clean and workout out can really  help.  I don’t want to be on intense medications and end up hurting my body more than helping it.  I have been making some amazing food and can’t wait to share it!  I will save that for another post so this one isn’t too long :)

In other news..I got a new pooch!

He has been a fantastic addition to the family and is a total lover.  He is incredibly hyper but I can’t blame him since he was cooped up in a shelter for a while!  His name is Dexter and he is a Border Collie/Hound mix..and he is also a tri-pawd.  His rear left leg has been amputated and we don’t know the story as to why but we don’t need to know..we just know hes awesome!

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Whole 22 – Still proud

I will start off by saying I did not finish Whole 30

I am not upset..

I am not ashamed..

It was the right choice for me.

Before I start my reasoning for my choice I will say that Whole 30 is an excellent program and is certainly helpful with changing your mindset on how you think of food and show you that you really can survive without junk!  I still stand behind this program and highly recommend it to people who have an unhealthy relationship with food.  It just wasn’t the right time for me to be testing out such a drastic diet.  I should have known that before I started!

If you have followed my blog when I started you’ll know I have been sick for a majority of the Whole 30.  It may not be a ‘normal’ sickness like you’d think of flu or a cold or anything but I have been battling a virus of sorts that causes me to have extreme mouth ulcers (canker sores).  Aside from severe mouth pain is also causes me to be super tired all the time since my body is constantly fighting to heal.  My family doctor has believed I have an auto-immune disorder that causes this however it is super rare, hard to diagnose and just as harder to treat.  I have gone my whole life just treating the symptoms because there really isn’t a system in place to treat this disorder.  I am finally seeing a specialist who is the leading researcher in this disorder in Chicago.  Hopefully I will get answers and relief.

When I started Whole 30 I read the book and knew what was expected.  I also read up a lot on paleo diet since it’s so similar.  And they both said to not be afraid of fat as long as it was healthy fat.  In the beginning I did fairly well getting close to my calorie range I had in the beginning.  After a few days I started getting stomach pains.  I know this pain very well – Its the same pain I used to get before I got my gallbladder taken out.  I was told to watch my fat intake because the pain could come back.  Its been 7 years since I had that pain and I started getting it daily.  I would effect my workouts, I couldn’t run as long and even skipped the gym some days.  So then I realized I need to reduce my fat.  So I ate less fat and upped my veggies and tried to limit fruit since its still sugar and they explained dont eat too much fruit or make it the main focus.  Then my mouth sores came back which even limited the fruit I could have.  I am already highly allergic to all citrus fruits.  So this leaves me with berries, melon, apples, pears.  When I have my mouth sores I can’t have anything remotely bitter or sour.  Because of this I had to get rid of berries and apples.  This meant that my last few weeks of the diet have consisted of chicken or limited fatty proteins, vegetables and watermelon.  Since I didn’t have many options to eat I started eating a lot of vegetables.

This started a whole new problem.  Instead of stomach problems and mouth pain..I was now running to the bathroom constantly.  I am not saying casual bathroom breaks..im talking emergencies.  Let’s just say this super shy girl had to get over the phobia of pooping in public restrooms! (sorry,over share but I have to explain my situation!)

The last couple days of eating..bathroom…eating…bathroom..eating..bathroom I finally said “Why are you even doing this to yourself!”.  I was constantly hungry because nothing stayed in me very long..and anything that would previously fill my calorie range was off-limits.  I was averaging around 1300 calories a day when im used to around 1900.  I was starving!  I kept telling myself I had to finish just for the sake of finishing.  I convinced myself everyone would think im a loser for giving up.  Then I told myself..nobody else is feeling the symptoms of what im feeling.  Constant bathroom breaks, stomach pain, mouth sores, and hunger.  This is most definitely not what I was hoping for.  This was supposed to make me feel better, not worse.  Also I must say this so im not coming off wrong about Whole 30.  I totally believe in the program.  However my special circumstances caused this to be far more difficult than it had to be for me.  Not everyone has to battle my auto-immune disorder and lack of a gallbladder.  It was just not the right time for me at all.  Due to the lack of calories my workouts really went on the way-side and that is not something I wanted to happen.  I would get tired after 30 minutes and want to just give up and was probably only going to the gym about 3 days a week.

I finally threw in the towel when I went to the mall with my mom, niece, sister in law and soon to be sister in law.  We were picking out the flower girl dress for my niece and got frozen yogurt after.  I had been telling myself dont give into the frozen yogurt because you only have 8 days left.  Then I told myself “great..i have 8 days left of eating and pooping..how exciting”.  Then when everyone went through the line and got their frozen yogurt and I was sitting there with no frozen yogurt..I finally said ya know…enough is enough.  I dont feel good..im starving..and right now im an outsider because im being stubborn and worrying about what people will say when I say I couldnt finish whole 30.  It most certainly wasn’t peer pressure or a lack of will power…my mom didn’t even get frozen yogurt so I wouldn’t have been alone if I hadn’t gotten any.  But I told myself I feel sick..and now I cant even do a normal activity with my family.  And a fairly innocent one at that!  I gave in and got myself a little cup of frozen yogurt.  I got banana yogurt with shredded coconut..

It. was. heavenly.

I do not regret not finishing..and I am hopeful for my doctors appointment tomorrow to see if I can finally get some relief.

Whole 30 was certainly not a waste..here is what my take-away was for my Whole 22

  • I found out I love Swiss Chard (alot!)
  • All processed foods are now out..If I cant read it..I dont eat it
  • I can say no to breads. Burgers, hot dogs, chicken, turkey etc. is just as good sans bread
  • I can live without diet soda
  • I do like water and really love brewing my own iced tea
  • I can live without chocolate every day
  • I have way more willpower than I gave myself credit
  • Trader Joes is my new favorite grocery store
  • Vegetables can be a star in a meal
  • I am no longer going to get frankenfood (low-fat, fat free chemically modified to be ‘healthy’)
  • I am no longer afraid of ‘healthy fats’

I am very happy I gave it a go because there is so much I would still be clueless on..and I would still be eating chocolate everyday, drinking soda and my main beverage and still noshing on processed frankenfood.  Thank you Whole 30 :)