Let’s Be Honest…

Last Friday I met with my new trainer and a funny thing happened and made me end up thinking about this topic of honesty ever since..

My old trainer was really bad at keeping record of my progress in the book so we sort of had to start fresh.  He got out his notebook and said
“Do you know your height and weight? I mean…if you don’t want to tell me that’s okay….”

I thought the whole concept of not telling my trainer my weight was just plain silly.  It’s like going to the doctor for an illness but you wont tell him your symptoms.  Why would I not tell him the key reason that I am there to fix?  I actually laughed and took a step back and said “I think its pretty obvious its not a small number..I mean..you can see me!”
He laughed and said it’s very common for women to not tell him their weight because they are embarrassed.   Again this takes me back to..he can see you!

I will admit I do understand the whole being embarrassed of the number.  I know what it’s like to be on the internet and make sure I only show pictures of the chest-area up so that people who don’t know me won’t know I am fat.  I would never just tell anybody my weight!  I will now just to prove a point.  I weigh 197.  That actually made my heart pump just to type that.  But what will it do if I don’t say it?  Me not admitting that number will not make it any smaller.  Isn’t it a silly concept to think that someone would like you until they knew your “number”.  It all goes back to when someone is standing in front of you they can see you.  They can pretty much guess what your weight range might be.  Would telling them that number suddenly make them dislike you?  If it did well..you know exactly where to tell them to go…

This is most definitely something I had to remind myself every time I go to weigh in.  When I see that number it cannot define me or my day.  It cant control feelings.  It’s really just a number..it’s not me!  Also let’s be honest…we have an idea of what that number will be.  When we eat right and work out and got enough sleep..we feel pretty confident that number will be going down.  When we binge on chips and fast food and sat on the couch all week..there’s a good chance that number isn’t going to be so good!  But why can’t we look at that number and accept it?  Of course if you strayed far off plan the number is going up…if you stay on track the number goes down.  Why can’t we be honest when we step on the scale?  Instead of being upset and start the self sabotage and hate talk.

When we have a weird dream dont we all first think “where did that come from!?”
We start to think ‘well, maybe its because I saw that show..I did think about that person..I did hear that on the news..I do indeed like penguins..’

When we step on the scale why cant we just analyze it that way?

“Well I did have a lot of sodium yesterday.  My muscles are sore I may be retaining water.  I should have drank more water. I may have skipped a few servings of vegetables”

Normally week to week its all going to be small changes and not be real weight anyway.  I think we all just need to start being more honest about the changes we see in our “number” and accept that it changes weekly..daily..hourly..and it doesn’t define us!  Everything we do each day has a huge impact on what that number is going to be each weigh in day.  It is time to choose if that number goes up or down..Let’s not lie to ourselves and be shocked when we see it.  Inside you know how you did.  If you did follow the plan perfectly and it didn’t move..then keep going!!  If the number goes up and you don’t want to admit you ate that package of cookies..well then there is more work to be done.  But bottom line..If you can’t admit your number to someone else at least admit it to yourself.

Updates!

Piggy Tummy was down for a few weeks but I am baaaack!

I am pretty excited about the changes I have made since I have been gone and thrilled to be posting the new path  my journey has taken me down.

Just over a week after my Whole 30 challenge ended I went to a specialist to see finally confirm a hunch my family doctor has had for years.  Sure enough I have officially been diagnosed with a very rare auto-immune disorder called Behcets.  Unfortunately there is not a ton that can be done since not much is known about it but I can now treat my symptoms and actually have a name to what I have.  I am lucky to not have many symptoms other people experience but I am now going to be closely monitored to make sure this doesn’t effect any vital organs.  The most uncomfortable symptom I have is that many many foods can cause severe mouth pain and ulcers.  I have lived my life not being able to have sour, bitter, spicy and salty due to this.  After doing a bunch of research with Whole 30 and Paleo I have decided to adopt the Paleo lifestyle.

I am in my second week of eating Paleo and I honestly feel pretty darn good.  I just had the hardest workout I have done in over a month, I am feeling more positive, and I haven’t been craving bad foods.  I now know that a huge reason my Whole 30 “failed” was because I was feeling so sick but now that I am diagnosed I know what I am working with and can move forward.  I have high hopes that eating clean and workout out can really  help.  I don’t want to be on intense medications and end up hurting my body more than helping it.  I have been making some amazing food and can’t wait to share it!  I will save that for another post so this one isn’t too long :)

In other news..I got a new pooch!

He has been a fantastic addition to the family and is a total lover.  He is incredibly hyper but I can’t blame him since he was cooped up in a shelter for a while!  His name is Dexter and he is a Border Collie/Hound mix..and he is also a tri-pawd.  His rear left leg has been amputated and we don’t know the story as to why but we don’t need to know..we just know hes awesome!

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Whole 22 – Still proud

I will start off by saying I did not finish Whole 30

I am not upset..

I am not ashamed..

It was the right choice for me.

Before I start my reasoning for my choice I will say that Whole 30 is an excellent program and is certainly helpful with changing your mindset on how you think of food and show you that you really can survive without junk!  I still stand behind this program and highly recommend it to people who have an unhealthy relationship with food.  It just wasn’t the right time for me to be testing out such a drastic diet.  I should have known that before I started!

If you have followed my blog when I started you’ll know I have been sick for a majority of the Whole 30.  It may not be a ‘normal’ sickness like you’d think of flu or a cold or anything but I have been battling a virus of sorts that causes me to have extreme mouth ulcers (canker sores).  Aside from severe mouth pain is also causes me to be super tired all the time since my body is constantly fighting to heal.  My family doctor has believed I have an auto-immune disorder that causes this however it is super rare, hard to diagnose and just as harder to treat.  I have gone my whole life just treating the symptoms because there really isn’t a system in place to treat this disorder.  I am finally seeing a specialist who is the leading researcher in this disorder in Chicago.  Hopefully I will get answers and relief.

When I started Whole 30 I read the book and knew what was expected.  I also read up a lot on paleo diet since it’s so similar.  And they both said to not be afraid of fat as long as it was healthy fat.  In the beginning I did fairly well getting close to my calorie range I had in the beginning.  After a few days I started getting stomach pains.  I know this pain very well – Its the same pain I used to get before I got my gallbladder taken out.  I was told to watch my fat intake because the pain could come back.  Its been 7 years since I had that pain and I started getting it daily.  I would effect my workouts, I couldn’t run as long and even skipped the gym some days.  So then I realized I need to reduce my fat.  So I ate less fat and upped my veggies and tried to limit fruit since its still sugar and they explained dont eat too much fruit or make it the main focus.  Then my mouth sores came back which even limited the fruit I could have.  I am already highly allergic to all citrus fruits.  So this leaves me with berries, melon, apples, pears.  When I have my mouth sores I can’t have anything remotely bitter or sour.  Because of this I had to get rid of berries and apples.  This meant that my last few weeks of the diet have consisted of chicken or limited fatty proteins, vegetables and watermelon.  Since I didn’t have many options to eat I started eating a lot of vegetables.

This started a whole new problem.  Instead of stomach problems and mouth pain..I was now running to the bathroom constantly.  I am not saying casual bathroom breaks..im talking emergencies.  Let’s just say this super shy girl had to get over the phobia of pooping in public restrooms! (sorry,over share but I have to explain my situation!)

The last couple days of eating..bathroom…eating…bathroom..eating..bathroom I finally said “Why are you even doing this to yourself!”.  I was constantly hungry because nothing stayed in me very long..and anything that would previously fill my calorie range was off-limits.  I was averaging around 1300 calories a day when im used to around 1900.  I was starving!  I kept telling myself I had to finish just for the sake of finishing.  I convinced myself everyone would think im a loser for giving up.  Then I told myself..nobody else is feeling the symptoms of what im feeling.  Constant bathroom breaks, stomach pain, mouth sores, and hunger.  This is most definitely not what I was hoping for.  This was supposed to make me feel better, not worse.  Also I must say this so im not coming off wrong about Whole 30.  I totally believe in the program.  However my special circumstances caused this to be far more difficult than it had to be for me.  Not everyone has to battle my auto-immune disorder and lack of a gallbladder.  It was just not the right time for me at all.  Due to the lack of calories my workouts really went on the way-side and that is not something I wanted to happen.  I would get tired after 30 minutes and want to just give up and was probably only going to the gym about 3 days a week.

I finally threw in the towel when I went to the mall with my mom, niece, sister in law and soon to be sister in law.  We were picking out the flower girl dress for my niece and got frozen yogurt after.  I had been telling myself dont give into the frozen yogurt because you only have 8 days left.  Then I told myself “great..i have 8 days left of eating and pooping..how exciting”.  Then when everyone went through the line and got their frozen yogurt and I was sitting there with no frozen yogurt..I finally said ya know…enough is enough.  I dont feel good..im starving..and right now im an outsider because im being stubborn and worrying about what people will say when I say I couldnt finish whole 30.  It most certainly wasn’t peer pressure or a lack of will power…my mom didn’t even get frozen yogurt so I wouldn’t have been alone if I hadn’t gotten any.  But I told myself I feel sick..and now I cant even do a normal activity with my family.  And a fairly innocent one at that!  I gave in and got myself a little cup of frozen yogurt.  I got banana yogurt with shredded coconut..

It. was. heavenly.

I do not regret not finishing..and I am hopeful for my doctors appointment tomorrow to see if I can finally get some relief.

Whole 30 was certainly not a waste..here is what my take-away was for my Whole 22

  • I found out I love Swiss Chard (alot!)
  • All processed foods are now out..If I cant read it..I dont eat it
  • I can say no to breads. Burgers, hot dogs, chicken, turkey etc. is just as good sans bread
  • I can live without diet soda
  • I do like water and really love brewing my own iced tea
  • I can live without chocolate every day
  • I have way more willpower than I gave myself credit
  • Trader Joes is my new favorite grocery store
  • Vegetables can be a star in a meal
  • I am no longer going to get frankenfood (low-fat, fat free chemically modified to be ‘healthy’)
  • I am no longer afraid of ‘healthy fats’

I am very happy I gave it a go because there is so much I would still be clueless on..and I would still be eating chocolate everyday, drinking soda and my main beverage and still noshing on processed frankenfood.  Thank you Whole 30 :)

Whole 30 Half Way Point!!

Woooo! I have made it halfway!

I can’t lie its been a rough couple of days.  Not unbearable by any means but I am definitely seeing the grasp that some foods have on me which remind me why I am doing this!  There’s certain meals where I would normally have bread with it and felt a little deprived.  I can admit the foods I have been eating have been delicious and I have loved trying new things.  I have found an absolute love for swiss chard this week! Which resulted in me buying 2 more bags this week haha.  So there has certainly been great things about this whole process and I do not regret it even though I am eyeing my boyfriends chocolates I got him for Fathers Day (hes a great daddy to his doggies!)

I didn’t have much super awesome food but here are some things I have had the last few days

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Turkey Stir Fry – turkey, bacon, broccoli, artichoke hearts, almonds

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One of the more unique breakfasts ive had..I wasn’t feeling eggs..turkey roll ups with olives, sweet potatoes, fruit

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This was super delicious! cashew crusted shrimp, asparagus, cauliflower rice and homemade tarter sauce

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Nitrate free – grass fed all beef hot dog, sweet potato chips and grapes

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Shrimp stir fry – cauliflower rice, garlic, almonds, carrot, diced chicken

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Stuffed cabbage stew.  Put 2 lbs 90/10 ground beef, 1 bag of cruciferous vegetable blend, 1 bag of chopped cabbage, 3 cans of diced fire roasted tomato, small can of tomato paste, salt, pepper, garlic in the slow cooker and cooked about 6 hours on low.  Yum!

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And here is a photo of my stinkin’ cute pup Hanna Bananas.  She will be 3 years old tomorrow! She forever looks like a puppy though.  Can you even stand the cute right now?

Whole 30 Day 9, 10 & 11

Yeah I know I let 3 days go without blogging! Such a procrastinator…

I am at a computer all day long at work and the thought to log into my computer when I get home makes me sad.  Don’t get me wrong, I still surf the web but via tablet or phone so I can lounge on the couch and check the webs!

Anyhoo Whole 30 is still going very well.  I have been getting alot more cravings and I can totally admit I dream of what I will eat when I am done.  I should explain that further though…I dont have a desire to go back to all my bad habits fully and stuff my face with all the things I couldn’t have.  You won’t find me huddled in a corner taking bites off of a whole baguette in one hand, a wheel of cheese in the other, and chocolate remnants smeared across my lips.  I have definitely learned my lesson and opened my eyes to how important food is.  Correction – how important the right food is.

I am fully convinced processed foods are gone from my diet.  If i cannot pronounce the ingredients then I am not eating it.  I do plan on eating the ‘banned’ foods in moderation.  It’s just not sustainable for me long term to not eat breads, cheeses and chocolate!  I have just learned to retrain my brain to let myself know I dont need these things!  I may want them, and that’s okay!  But I dont have this undying attachment to these foods.  Which was terribly unhealthy.

So yes..Day 31…I want pizza.  I am not ashamed haha

I am proud to say the timeline of what to expect on Whole 30 said that day 10 & 11 were the days you were most likely to quit.  Im still going baby!

Heres some of the foods I have eaten the last couple days

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Turkey breast, chard with garlic & mushrooms, sweet potato with coconut milk

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Cumin cauliflower rice, chicken thighs, peppers & onions..so good!!

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Turkey bacon club salad.  Turkey, bacon, onion, tomato over greens

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egg salad topped with cherry tomato

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Eggs & Bacon with Avocado Ranch

Most of my other meals weren’t exactly pretty enough for photo ops but thats a look into what I have had!

Still going strong *flex*

Whole 30 Day 7 & 8 + Color Run

What a busy weekend!!

Saturday my boyfriend’s mom was visiting and staying over so I planned a fun filled evening!  We all went to a mini-theme park down the street from me called an ‘Azoosment Park’ because it has carnival style rides plus a petting zoo area.  It was incredibly fun and I am sad I didn’t go there sooner!  We got the kids good and tired and then I had a Whole 30 style BBQ at my house.

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Totally cute right?  Kaieligh & Logan

At first I thought I would make some stuff for the BBQ that were not Whole 30 compliant for the sake of my  guests..

Then I thought about it..why is just having meats, fruits, and veggies so taboo?  We dont need starch filled salads and sides and processed chips to have a delicious exciting meal together!  So I went against my initial thoughts and went with a meal where I was allowed to have everything!

My Menu
Deviled Eggs (homemade mayo)
Grilled Vegetables
Marinated Olives
Mashed Sweet Potato
Chopped fruit with coconut
Grilled Chicken w/ Avocado Ranch
Grilled Shrimp

Everything was super delicious and guilt free and everyone was happy! (me included for sure)

Whole 30 BBQ

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eggs, mustard, relish, homemade mayo, salt, pepper, paprika

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Grilled veggies – just olive oil, salt, pepper

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Mashed sweet potato with a little coconut milk

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Grilled chicken & shrimp – hot dogs for the kiddos

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Avocado Ranch Recipe

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Super yum.

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Day 8 Race Day!!

My first 5k EVER..and it was awesome!

For breakfast I had some leftover sweet potato with grilled vegetables and a hardboiled egg.  It was so early that I wasn’t super hungry but I knew I couldn’t skip breakfast when I was going to be running.  I did have a banana just before the race though for a little extra fuel.  After the race I enjoyed a tasty Apple Pie Lara Bar.  Now for the fun part…RACE PICTURES!

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Love love loved this run!

My brother and sister in law were going to run with me but unfortunately it sold out before they could sign up.  But my brother being the awesome big brother he is woke up early, drove to the city just to jump in at the end of the race to finish the last leg of the race with me :)

My mom did take a picture of us but my mom isn’t super awesome at technology so apparently the picture doesn’t exist.

But my mom deserves credit too for waking up stupid early for me to get there before the race started.  I hate driving in the city so I needed the moral support to even get to the race!

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I finished the race in 36 minutes which is a personal record for me.  This was even including the 3 stops for the congested color areas and a stop for a photo with my brother (so I thought…)  Without the stops I probably would have finished around 32 minutes which would have been a huge record for me.  I will keep at it!

Since we were right near the ever-so-popular photo opportunity ‘The Bean’ we decided to stop there after the race

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I headed home then and took a well needed shower..had some lunch..and totally crashed for about 3 hours.  I think due to the excitement of the color run I didn’t sleep very well.  I think I never achieved deep sleep because of fear of not waking up to the alarm at 5am so I was beat..

(btw for the sake of whole 30 lunch was all natural grass fed beef hot dogs with sweet potato chips)

Breakfast and Lunch were not very impressive photo-wise but dinner sure was!  Made an amazing grilled pork chop dinner. Yum!

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Probably my favorite dinner so far.  Garlic grilled pork chop, seasoned cauliflower rice, grilled asparagus and sauteed granny smith apples.  For the apples I sauteed them in ghee with a little salt and cinnamon.  Went super awesome with the pork chop and doubled as a little dessert treat!

Overall Whole 30 is going well.  I will admit im getting a few more urges than I have the previous days.  When I had my hot dog at lunch I missed the bun, after the run I really wanted an ice cold fountain drink, was craving some sweets.  Mainly my cravings have been carbs.  I have been doing a very good job at redirecting my cravings to something compliant and it’s working well.  I haven’t even remotely had the urge to give up..just a few more urges to eat things I shouldn’t!

So sad this weekend is just about done.  It was a really awesome weekend :)

Whole 30 Day 5 + Backsquat Experience

Whoever said today was supposed to be the grumpy day on Whole 30 is crazy!
I had an amazing day!

I ate delicious food, had a ton of energy, wasn’t sick, and killed it at the gym!

I even have a video today! Yay! I will let you take a look at that and follow up with my gym story in writing and my foods for today..enjoy!

So If you didn’t watch the video I will explain further here.
I saw my trainer today and he said he was going to show me how to do backsquats.  Which I was stupid excited about.  All the blogs, instagrams, pinterest boards I follow all the sexy fit people do these backsquats.  Yay I am a sexy fit people!
So anyway..He had me do the bar only and asked how that was.  I said it was alright….so he added a 20# weight to each side.  He asked me to go..I said it’s kinda hard!  He adds more weight.  I said its really hard.  He adds another weight..I said wow thats super hard.  So he says he will keep the weight right there and we will do 2 more sets.  Sure enough he says “I think you can do more…” I tell him adamantly that it was very hard!! So another guy in the gym says “You can do it! Dont be afraid of the weight”.  I informed him im not afraid of the weight im afraid of falling over! So I trust my trainer since hes been working with me and he is all about safety so I had to trust myself.  I go under the bar to lift it..sure enough I lifted it and got into position.  I was facing the mirror so I could see everyone behind me.  A bunch of buff weight lifter guys stopped what they were doing and watched me.  One even nudged another guy and said “see that?!”  It was awesome!!!!
That was my empowering gym story of the day!
Onto foods!
Today was easy for me..I am loving what I am eating.  Its totally new flavors and textures and so refreshing to have something other than just my usual sandwiches and chips and breaded whatever and processed junk.  I honestly thought I would get more cravings!  It’s only day 5 but I feel absolutely confident in the days to come!
Breakfast Day 5
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Not a pretty photo..sorry! But I was running out the door for work.  It tasted awesome though I assure you.   2 hard boiled eggs, 1/2 avocado, diced red onion, diced jalapeno, salt & pepper
Lunch Day 5
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I know I had this everyday! I made alot of it! I didnt get a ton of different groceries since I was having trouble eating anyway and this was small, cold, soft and delicious!  Blueberry Waldorf Salad over spring mix with cherry tomato.  I promise it’s gone now!
Snack Day 5
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Berries! I also had a green apple with almond butter and a Lara Bar (apple pie) before my workout
Dinner Day 5
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Tuna Cakes with Green Olives.  Recipe here
They were super tasty but a little softer than I hoped for.  I fried them in a super hot pan and they were still pretty smooshy.  But the flavor rocked.  I made my own ranch dressing to go with it.  Yum yum yum!
Bring it on Day 6!

Whole 30 Day 4

Feeling so much better!!

Much much better day :) I am very proud that I stuck with this even when I felt miserable!  When I feel sick I tend to go to comfort foods and well that is hard to do when I cleared out the pantry and fridge!  So I fought the odds..got through it..time to embrace the program!

Breakfast Day 4

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Cauliflower rice, brussel sprouts, over easy egg, olives, chicken sausage

Lunch Day 4

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Blueberry waldorf salad over spring mix

Snack Day 4

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watermelon, blueberry, coconut & cashews
love love love love this!
also had a banana & a hard boiled egg during the day

Dinner Day 4

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zucchini noodles, caramelized onions, garlic, jalapeno chicken sausage and cherry tomatoes

Day 4 went pretty well.  I will admit I did have the undying urge to add parmesan cheese to my dinner.  I wouldn’t have done it (mainly because I dont have any….) but it’s so odd how these old habits have such a grasp on me!  When I sat down to eat my meal I quickly realized it was delicious and did not need any added cheese! It was good all on its own.  My other struggle today was I still track my food even though during the challenge you dont necesarily have to.  After I tracked it said I was way over on fat grams for the day.  I instantly freaked out!  I started googling any information to help me know what my fat intake should be.  I stumbled upon this article and felt a little better.  It pretty much explains the health benefits of healthy fats as opposed to the junk fats from processed foods.  All food I consumed today was considered a ‘healthy fat’ so I need to get out of that mindset that all fat is bad.  It’s hard! Overall though it was a good day.  I’m excited to get back into the gym tomorrow with my trainer.

The Whole 30 “what to expect” calendar shows tomorrow should be a grumpy day..watch out!

Whole 30 Day 2 & 3

I am so behind!

But I promise to keep up on this better..I had gotten so sick Monday which traveled into Tuesday

At least I had an excuse, right?

I still kept on plan and here’s what I had Monday & Tuesday..

It wasn’t a lot of food because I seriously didn’t feel well.  I was put on a bunch of meds and it made me not even want to look at food!

Breakfast Day 2

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Hardboiled egg, avocado, chicken sausage

Lunch Day 2

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Apparently I didnt take a picture..But i had my blueberry waldorf salad with a side of sweet potato

Dinner Day 3

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So this meal had potential…Too bad I couldn’t eat it :(
Flounder topped with homemade mayo and olive tapenade, cauliflower rice and brussel sprouts.
I tried to eat it…and then I felt lunch coming up..so the dog got a nice meal!

As far as emotions go on Whole 30 for today…Didn’t really have any..I was miserable due to sickness not whole 30!

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Day 3 I was starving!!! I am sure mostly due to not eating much the day before. I also think since I haven’t been having carbonated drinks it was making my stomach feel very empty all day.  But I started feeling better at least :)

Breakfast Day 3

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Cauliflower rice, zucchini noodles, chicken sausage and olives

Lunch Day 3

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Repeat of day 2.  Blueberry waldorf salad with a side of sweet potato

Snack Day 3

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watermelon, blueberries, shredded coconut

Dinner Day 3

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Hamburger with an over easy egg, olive tapenade, brussel sprouts and avocado.  Totally yum!

Day 3 went pretty easy for me.  I still feel like the lack of carbonated drinks is making me feel false hunger.  The plus side is I haven’t had the urge to have one at all :)